Dear New York Humans,
Thank you again for your trash. It really is delicious.
We are especially grateful to those of you kind hearted souls who spread your garbage across the top of the snow lining the street. It adds a little color and makes all this bleak winter weather so much cheerier.
Please continue to put out those little black bait boxes for the squirrels. They are desperately hungry and are not smart enough to live under the buildings where it is warm. The poor fools are dying off at an alarming rate so we have initiated a campaign to help our fellow rodents and are dragging Care-Packages of garbage to the park for them. Please do your part and litter in the park as well.